In life we try to learn new things, to give them a real understandable meaning. The whole process may seem complicated but it is a kind of ritual which we are all part of. You see, you analyse, you think, and ... then you act. I really like this word ACTING. Pretend to be someone or to feel something which is not part of yours. But after all it's the key to solving the problem. All we have to do is to remain ourselves. This is kind of a paradox but the question is what do we really have to do?
At the beginning of this academic year I was really optimistic. I became an auntie which was an incredible feeling, I was one of the top students in my school and I finally met my father for the first time after two years. It couldn't have been better, that's what I thought. I aimed high and suddenly everything became crystal clear. My focus on my future turned out to be much more difficult than I expected. In fact it was pretty scary and that was the moment when I began to realize how endless my fear was. I hated it since I first felt it. I detested it with my whole soul. It was there to knock me down, to laugh at my failings and to be the first to enjoy the show named " I CAN'T DO IT".
I grew larger and larger, actually it became huge. It was like a shadow which followed me everywhere I went. An impossible mission that's what it was to get rid of it.
My biggest dream was to study at Cambridge, one of the best universities in the whole planet. I thought that nothing could stop me from making my dream come true. Are you curious how it continues? Keep reading.
I started to be realistic. After I saw the fees of the uni, the living cost and the budget I needed to afford a normal living there well I was shocked. I am not rich. God damn I don't have millions to spend. And I don't want my parents to borrow money in order to afford my school. No way. I am a grown up woman now and I am ale to understand how hard is to find the path and to build the statue of success beside it. Our parents are our everything. They are our biggest support, our protective angels. our lucky charms, our inspiration and above all our motivation. When we achieve something we dedicate everything to them. It is not their duty to always sacrifice for us. I do agree that we need financial support but it's us who is developed and matured to face new challenges not them. When tomorrow comes you will be on your own out there, with no mummy and no daddy. Just you, yourself and you. This is pure definition of an endless fear.
It was the main sentence in my head but I overcame it. How I did that? Well nothing special. I know that fear will forever be my close friend so I dealt with it. Put it this way; My life has just begun and I will live it so I won't have any regrets in the near future. My best buddy FEAR you have to face it too. My failings and my success they are mixed together and so are you with me,
Plus you owe something to that endless fear, your achievements so far.I guess you understood that nothings is as bad as it looks like, it's just a matter of an individual perception.
Sending you a huge motivating hug.
Thanks for reading
Sincerely
JK
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